Three Men in a Boat Jerome K. Jerome

 

Chapter Seven

 

The river in its Sunday garb-Dress on the river-A chance for the men-Absence of taste in Harris-George's blazer-A day with the fashion-plate young lady-Mrs. Thomas's tomb-The man who loves not graves and coffins and skulls-Harris mad-His views on George and banks and lemonade-He performs tricks.

 

It was while passing through Moulsey Lock that Harris told me about his maze experience. It took us some time to pass through, as we were the only boat, and it is a big lock. I don't think I ever remember to have seen Moulsey Lock before, with only one boat in it. It is, I suppose, Boulter's not even excepted, the busiest lock on the river.

I have stood and watched it, sometimes, when you could not see any water at all, but only a brilliant tangle of bright blazers, and gay caps and saucy hats, and many-coloured parasols, and silken rugs, and cloaks, and streaming ribbons, and dainty whites; when looking down into the lock from the quay, you might fancy it was a huge box into which flowers of every hue and shade had been thrown pellmell, and lay piled up in a rainbow heap, that covered every corner.

On a fine Sunday it presents this appearance nearly all day long, while, up the stream, and down the stream, lie, waiting their turn, outside the gates, long lines of still more boats; and boats are drawing near and passing away, so that the sunny river, from the Palace up to Hampton Church, is dotted and decked with yellow, and blue, and orange, and white, and red, and pink. All the inhabitants of Hampton and Moulsey dress themselves up in boating costume, and come and mouch round the lock with their dogs, and flirt, and smoke, and watch the boats; and, altogether, what with the caps and packets of the men, the pretty coloured dresses of the women, the excited dogs, the moving boats, the white sails, the pleasant landscape, and the sparkling water, it is one of the gayest sights I know of near this dull old London town.

The river affords a good opportunity for dress. For once in a way, we men are able to show our taste in colours, and I think we come out very natty, if you ask me. I always like a little red in my things-red and black. You know my hair is a sort of golden brown, rather a pretty shade I've been told, and a dark red matches it beautifully; and then I always think a light-blue necktie goes well with it, and a pair of those Russian-leather shoes and a red silk handkerchief round the waist-a handkerchief looks so much better than a belt.

Harris always keeps to shades or mixtures of orange or yellow, but I don't think he is at all wise in this. His complexion is too dark for yellows. Yellows don't suit him: there can be no question about it. I want him to take to blue as a background, with white or cream for relief; but, there! the less taste a person has in dress, the more, obstinate he always seems to be. It is a great pity, because he will never be a success as it is, while there are one or two colours in which he might not really look so bad, with his hat on.

George has bought some new things for this trip, and I'm rather vexed about them. The blazer is loud. I should not like George to know that I thought so, but there really is no other word for it. He brought it home and showed it to us on Thursday evening. We asked him what colour he called it, and he said he didn't know. He didn't think there was a name for the colour. The man had told him it was an Oriental design. George put it on, and asked us what we thought of it. Harris said that, as an object to hang over a flower-bed in early spring to frighten the birds away, he should respect it; but that, considered as an article of dress for any human being, except a Margate1 nigger, it made him ill.George got quite huffy; but, as Harris said, if he didn't want his opinion, why did he ask for it?

What troubles Harris and myself, with regard to it, is that we are afraid it will attract attention to the boat.

Girls, also, don't look half bad in a boat, if prettily dressed. Nothing is more fetching, to my thinking, than a tasteful boating costume. But a "boating costume," it would be as well if all ladies would understand, ought to be a costume that can be worn in a boat, and not merely under a glass-case. It utterly spoils an excursion if you have folk in the boat who are thinking all the time a good deal more of their dress than of the trip. It was my misfortune once to go for a water picnic with two ladies of this kind. We did have a lively time!

They were both beautifully got up-all lace and silky stuff, and flowers, and ribbons, and dainty shoes, and light gloves. But they were dressed for a photographic studio, not for a river picnic. They were the "boating costumes" of a French fashion-plate. It was ridiculous, fooling about in them anywhere near real earth, air, and water.

The first thing was that they thought the boat was not clean. We dusted all the seats for them and then assured them that it was, but they didn't believe us. One of them rubbed the cushion with the forefinger of her glove, and showed the result to the other, and they both sighed, and sat down, with the air of early Christian martyrs trying to make themselves comfortable up against the stake. You are liable to occasionally splash a little when sculling, and it appeared that a drop of water ruined those costumes. The mark never came out, and a stain was left on the dress for ever.

I was stroke. I did my best. I feathered some two feet high, and I paused at the end of each stroke to let the blades drip before returning them, and I picked out a smooth bit of water to drop them into again each time. (Bow said, after a while, that he did not feel himself a sufficiently accomplished oarsman to pull with me, but that he would sit still, if I would allow him, and study my stroke. He said it interested him.) But, notwithstanding all this, and try as I would, I could not help an occasional flicker of water from going over those dresses.

The girls did not complain, but they huddled up close together, and set their lips firm, and every time a drop touched them, they visibly shrank and shuddered. It was a noble sight to see them suffering thus in silence, but it unnerved me altogether. I am too sensitive. I got wild and fitful in my rowing, and splashed more and more, the harder I tried not to.

I gave it up at last; I said I'd row bow. Bow thought the arrangement would be better too, and we changed places. The ladies gave an involuntary sigh of relief when they saw me go, and quite brightened up for a moment. Poor girls! they had better have put up with me. The man they had got now was a jolly, light-hearted, thick-headed sort of a chap, with about as much sen­sitiveness in him as there might be in a Newfoundland puppy. You might look daggers at him for an hour and he would not notice it, and it would not trouble him if he did. He set a good rollicking, dashing stroke that sent the spray playing all over the boat like a fountain, and made the whole crowd sit up straight in no time. When he spread more than a pint of water over one of those dresses, he would give a pleasant little laugh, and say:

"I beg your pardon, I'm sure;" and offer them his handkerchief to wipe it off with.

"Oh, It’s of no consequence," the poor girls would murmur in reply, and covertly draw rugs and coats over themselves, and try and protect themselves with their lace parasols.

At lunch they had a very bad time of it. People wanted them to sit on the grass, and the grass was dusty; and the tree-trunks, against which they were invited to lean, did not appear to have been brushed for weeks; so they spread their handkerchiefs on the ground and sat on those, bolt upright. Somebody, in walking about with a plate of beefsteak pie, tripped up over a root, and sent the pie flying. None of it went over them, fortunately, but the accident suggested a fresh danger to them, and agitated them; and, whenever anybody moved about, after that, with anything in his hand that could fall and make a mess they watched that person with growing anxiety until he sat down again.

"Now then, you girls," said our friend Bow to them, cheerily after it was all over, "come along, you've got to wash up!"

They didn't understand him at first. When they grasped the idea, they said they feared they did not know how to wash up.

Oh, I'll soon show you," he cried; "It's rare fun! You lie down on your-I mean you lean over the bank, you know, and slouch the things about in the water."

The elder sister said that she was afraid that they hadn't got on dresses suited to the work.

And he made them do it too. He told them that that sort of thing was half the fun of a picnic. They said it was very interesting.

Now I come to think it over, was that young man as dense-headed as we thought? or was he-no, impossible! there was such a simple, child-like expression about him!

Harris wanted to get out at Hampton Church, to go and see Mrs. Thomas's tomb.

"Who is Mrs. Thomas?" I asked.

"How should I know?" replied Harris. "She's a lady that's got a funny tomb, and I want to see it."

I objected. I don't know whether it is that I am built wrong, but I never did seem to hanker after tombstones myself. I know that the proper thing to do, when you get to a village or town, is to rush off to the churchyard, and enjoy the graves; but it is a recreation that I always deny myself. I take no interest in creeping round dim and chilly churches behind wheezy old men, and reading epitaphs. Not even the sight of a bit of cracked brass let into a stone affords me what I call real happiness.

I shock respectable sextons by the Imperturbability I am able to assume before exciting inscriptions, and by my lack of enthusiasm for the local family history, while my ill-concealed anxiety to get outside wounds their feelings.

Commentary

Jerome K. Jerome (1859-1927) a British writer of humorous novels. Best known for his book “Three men in a boat”. The chief beauty of this book lies not so much in its literary style, or in the extend & usefulness of the information it conveys, as in its simple truthfulness.

· Margate – a sea – side health resort. Among the many attractions there are groups of comedians who sing Negro melodies on the beach. They often dress themselves up to impersonate Negroes.

· Don’t look half bad – don’t look at all bad

· To slouch – here: to move slowly to & fro in the water

· Moulsey Lock – (Маулсейский шлюз) a stretch of water closed off by gates, especially on a canal, so that the water level can be raised or lowered to move boats up or down a slope.

· Russian-leather shoes – the same as yuft (юфть) – a special kind of leather

· The blazer is loud - it means that the blazer is of very bright colours

· Tuck’ em up – tuck them up (coll.)

Words & word-combinations to be memorized:

 

Tangle, parasols, quay, pellmell, to be dotted & decked, to afford, vexed, article of dress, with regard to, fetching, to get up, to huddle up, to shrank, to shudder, to give up, to look daggers, to make a mess, anxiety, to grasp the idea, to hanker after, epitaph.

 

 

II.TEXT EXERCISES:

 

1.Translate one paragraph of the text

2.Find synonyms & antonyms in the text

3.Describe the situations in which the words & word-combinations are used in the text under study

4.Paraphrase the italicized words & expressions from the text:

· I don't think I ever remember to have seen Moulsey Lock before, with only one boat in it. It is, I suppose, Boulter's not even excepted, the busiest lock on the river.

· I have stood and watched it, sometimes, when you could not see any water at all, but only a brilliant tangle of bright blazers, and gay caps and saucy hats, and many-coloured parasols, and silken rugs, and cloaks, and streaming ribbons, and dainty whites; when looking down into the lock from the quay, you might fancy it was a huge box into which flowers of every hue and shade had been thrown pellmell, and lay piled up in a rainbow heap, that covered every corner.

· I'm rather vexed about them.

· When they grasped the idea, they said they feared they did not know how to wash up.

· I shock respectable sextons by the Imperturbability I am able to assume before exciting inscriptions, and by my lack of enthusiasm for the local family history, while my ill-concealed anxiety to get outside wounds their feelings.

 

6. Give the definitions of the following words from English-English dictionary

Vexed, to fetch, to get up, anxiety, to shudder

 

6. Translate into English

 

· Ветер спутал её волосы.

· “O what a tangled web we weave, when first we practise to deceive!” – это цитата из В.Скотта. Люди говорят эту фразу, если кто-то лжёт и тем самым создаёт себе проблемы.

· Народ беспорядочно сновал по центральной улице города, в надежде успеть купить новогодние подарки.

· Он пытался выпросить у меня напиток, но я всё время находил причины отказать ему.

· Я забыла выключить утюг! Мне придётся возвращаться домой, и я пропущу лекцию.

· Этот ваш новый наряд годен лишь для того, чтобы пугать птиц в саду.

· Суматоха, возникшая на площади, не обещала ничего хорошего. Следовало немедленно вызвать полицию.

· После долгих размышлений, он решил сдаться, так как не было никакой необходимости продолжать спорить.

· Зонтик, который защищает нас не от дождя, а от солнца, гораздо большего размера, и он всегда ярко окрашен.

· Eщё долго он продолжал вздрагивать, а затем уснул.

· Знаете ли вы синонимы слова «страстно желать чего-либо?»- Да, конечно.-А какие предлоги ставятся после него?

 

 

II.HOME EXERCISES

 

1.Make up 10-15 sentences with the new words & expressions

2.Give the gist of the story

3.Define the composition of the text under study

4.Try to define the massage of the story

5.Try to find the stylistic devices used in the text

6.Express the main idea & theme of the story

7.Draw a conclusion

8.Compose your own story including all the components of composition

 

III.LABORATORY EXERCISES

 

1.Work in pairs with the new vocabulary of the story

2.Discuss the stylistic devices used in the text

3. Analyze the whole text.