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DIRECTNESS АND ASSERTIVENESS



2015-12-07 578 Обсуждений (0)
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Americans, as has been said before, generally consider them­selves to be frank, open, and direct in their dealings with other people. "Let's lay our cards on the table", they say. Or, "Let's stop playing games end get to the point". These and many other common phrases convey the Americans' idea that people should explicitly state what they think and what they want from other people.

Americans tend to аssume that conflicts or disagreements are best settled by means of forthright discussions among the people involved. If I dislike something you are doing, I should tell you about it directly so you will know, clearly and from me per­sonally, how I feel about it. Bringing in other people to medi­ate a dispute is considered somewhat cowardly, the act of a per­son without enough courage to speak directly to someone else.

The word "assertive" is the adjective Americans commonly use, to describe the person who plainly and directly expresses feel­ings and requests. People who are inadequately assertive can take "assertiveness training classes".

Americans will often speak openly and directly to others about things they dislike. They will try to do so in a manner they call "constructive", that is, a manner which the other per­son will not find offensive or unacceptable. If they do not speak openly about what is on their minds, they will often con­vey their reactions in nonverbal ways (without words, but through facial expressions, body positions, and gestures). Ame­ricans are not taught, as people in many Asian countries are, that they should mask their emotional responses. Their words, the tone of their voices, or their facial expressions will usu­ally reveal when they are feeling angry, unhappy, confused, or happy and content. They do not think it improper to display these feelings, at least within limits. Many Asians feel embar­rassed around Americans who are exhibiting a strong emotional response to something. (On the other hand, as we shall see la­ter, Latins and Arabs are generally inclined to display their emotions more openly than Americans do, and to view Americans as unemotional and "cold".)

But Americans are often less direct and open than they rea­lize. There are in fact many restrictions on their willingness to discuss things openly. It is difficult to categorize those restrictions, and the restrictions are often not "logical" in the sеnsе of being consistent with each other. Generally, though, Americans are reluctant to speak openly when:

· the topic is in an area they consider excessively personal, such аз unpleasant body or mouth odors, sexual functioning, or per­sonal inadequacies;

· they want to say "no" to a request that has been made of them but do not want to offend or "hurt the feelings of the person who made the request;

· they are not well enough acquainted with the other person to be confident that direct discussion will be accepted in the cons­tructive way that is intended; and, paradoxically, they know the other person very, well (it might be a spouse or close friend) and they do not wish to risk giving offense and creating negative feelings by talking about some delicate prob­lem.

 

A Chinese student invited an American couple to his apartment to share a dinner he had prepared. They complimented him warmly about the quality of his meal. "Several Americans have told me they like my cooking», he replied, "but I cannot tell whether they are sincere or justbeing polite. Do you think they real­ly like it?"

All of this is to say that Americans, even though they see themselves as properly assertive and even though they often be­have in open and direct ways, have limits on their openness. It is not unusual for them to try to avoid direct confrontations with other people when they are not confident that the confron­tation, can be carried out in a "constructive" way that will re­sult in an acceptable compromise.

Foreigners often find themselves in situation where they are unsure of or even unaware of what the Americans around them are thinking or feeling and are unable to find out because the Ame­ricans will not tell them directly what they have in mind. Two examples:

Sometimes a person from another country will "smell bad" to Americans because he does not follow the same hygienic practices (daily bathing and use of deodorants) Americans tend to think are nесеssаrу. But Americans will rarely tell a person (foreign or otherwise) that he has "body odor" because that topic is con­sidered too sensitive.

A foreigner (or another American, for that matter) may ask a "favor" that an American considers inappropriate. She might ask to borrow a car, for example, or ask for help with an undertak­ing that will require more time than the American thinks she has available. The American will want to decline the request, but will fear saying "no" directly.

Americans might feel especially reluctant to say "no" direct­ly to a foreigner, for fear of making the person feel unwelcome or discriminated against. They will often try to convey the "no” indirectly, by Baying such things as "it's not convenient now" or by repeatedly postponing an agreed-upon time for doing some things.

Despite these limitations, Americans are generally more direct and open than people from many other countries. They will not try to mask their emotions, as Scandinavians tend to do. They are much 1ess concerned with "face" (that is, avoiding embarrass­ment to themselves or others) than most Asians are. То them, being "honest" is usually more important than preserving harmony in interpersonal relationships.

Americans use the words "pushy" or "aggressive" to describe a person who is excessively assertive in expressing opinions or making requests. The line between acceptable assertiveness and unacceptable aggressiveness is difficult to draw. Iranians and people from other countries where forceful arguing and negoti­ating are common forms of interaction risk being seen as aggres­sive or pushy when they treat Americans in the way they treat people at home.



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